Red Pill, Blue Pill, Purple Pill, No Pill

The Business of Dating

E-commerce principles of virtual catalog, promotions with a freemium offer, and the ability to shop with convenience have influenced the world of romance and dating. A single person today has all of the traditional methods for pursuing a significant other, but now also has the addition of technology platforms to expand the search for an ideal partner. Social media platforms and apps have changed the dating scene in the same way that other real-time, anonymous, and online interactions have in a hyper connected landscape. As such, connections and behavior are transactional. Gamification and the attitude of buyer beware, buyer remorse, and false advertising follow, making the entire experience less enjoyable and more about self-gratification. Brand development and marketing dictate success.

 

I was married in 2000, before the E-commerce revolution, social media led hook-up dating and the new protocols of interaction via virtual connections. The attraction was more organic then, and chemistry was often based on the commonality of interests and lifestyle compatibility. As a result of the influence of online dating, even these types of introductions are influenced by a sophisticated set of rules of manipulation. Dating coaches advise on communication rules to ensure psychological advantages and dominance. The new rules of dating are not about leading up to marriage or building a life, and instead about reducing buyers’ remorse and higher satisfaction.

 

 

Adapt or Go Solo

My marriage came to an end after 20 years with little to no tension as a result of accepting the fact that our values are different, our aims and goals are different and we no longer felt an attraction or intimacy. Rather than making it a painful, bitter process of blame and rancor, we amicably parted ways like mature adults. Against the recommendation of my attorney, I reviewed with complete transparency our divorce decree to ensure there was no misunderstanding or lingering issues left unaddressed. Our children have adjusted well, and while we are not friends nor close, we can be civil and go our separate ways without tension. I can say that having done my best, I am at peace.

 

So naturally, I had to figure out what it meant to be single. I took the time to do some reflection and learned as much as I could from the situation because the new chapter of my life was about learning how to live on my terms, more than dealing with loss. Furthermore, there are now apps and more knowledge available about how to go about mingling and meeting new people. On Youtube alone, there are hundreds of dating coaches with millions of followers, explaining the underlying code of dating and the ways to best land the ideal partner(s). There are graphs and models to compare tradeoffs between crazy and attractive, the pros and cons of dating young and old and building a rotation of dating partners without the necessity to make commitments. A dating marketplace is now open for business.

 

The Result of My Experiments

 

There are a variety of opinions on how to go about dating, depending on your goals and preferences. Pick-up artists argue in favor of the volume of options, applying a direct approach instead of using online dating platforms. A popular dating coach that I began to follow because of his candor, delivery, and charisma spoke on a sexual market value assigned to you and argued that you are what you attract. This piqued my curiosity, and so decided to put out a profile on several dating platforms to evaluate reactions. To be perfectly honest, I had really no interest in playing the field, but it is important to collect feedback or learn the hard way. I can now understand the new red pill movement.

 

The red pill movement argues that true female nature is hypergamous, false, hypocritical, and unrealistic. The belief is that females cannot love men the same way men are conditioned to treat them. Red pill sells the idea that women are opportunistic and flighty. In my experience, the vast majority of the women I came across were simply not self-aware and compensated with an inflated opinion for themselves. I don’t feel bothered by this because I was not pursuing a serious relationship. Friends who have been single longer and already familiar with this experience have become jaded and gave up on dating this way, and suggested that I stay away from the platforms. It was a revealing experience to learn that the majority of women available are not of high quality or character, despite seeming desirable and attractive.

 

 

Purple Pill

The experiment mentioned earlier alluded to the red pill. It’s the alternative to the “blue pill” mentality to accept the conventional wisdom of a happy wife, happy life, and the pursuit to fulfill expectations for feminine attention as promoted through popular culture. In many ways, the logic of the red pill is valid, insomuch that it is being applied toward a culture of brainwashed women. It is tempting to dismiss the need for a good relationship with the opposite sex in believing that it is a lost cause, and some men have opted in favor of a purple pill approach. This is a hybrid approach in being both skeptical of the popular beliefs toward women, but also applying a red pill philosophy of detachment to have the best of both worlds: a committed relationship with dominance maintained through red pill tactics.

 

The real purple pill sold at the pharmacy treats acid reflux. The reality is that our culture in the western world has declined as a whole. The quality of people has declined because reality has shifted to an increasingly relativist mindset where loyalties and commitment are more conditional. This is the pervasive norm when it comes to longevity in careers, brands, ethical boundaries, and even language have all been compromised by declines in all other spheres of human culture. The pharmaceutical industry has thrived with pills to help people adjust to a less tolerable world when it comes to behavior and health. Countries in the world that have adopted more western habits have similarly declined. Having spent time in 26 countries over the last 12 years, I can honestly say that this is a highly reliable observation.

 

No Pill

To be perfectly candid, I have learned to appreciate the idea that it’s best to be in a relationship that enhances my life and enhances my sense of purpose  I would prefer to avoid a low quality of person and the kind of relationship where psychological games are required to ensure “needs” are met. If there is indigestion that results from interactions, likely the relationship is toxic. With any indication that a person that is approaching me shows proof of low self-esteem, a lack of self-awareness, immaturity or a superficial attraction with little to no curiosity about my interests, I do not pursue any further. This is difficult for many people to understand as we live in a hyper-sexualized society. Intimacy and trust are a prerequisite to any human interaction that leads to growth, including the world of romance.

 

 

 

Boundaries are essential to ensuring that you can attract and build relationships with high-quality people. In my case, the boundary for relationships is simply based on demonstrations of respect. I find it difficult to trust anyone that does not treat me with respect. In ensuring my own sense of trust when it comes to instincts, self-image, cognition, and evaluation, I have learned to be highly discerning by being respectful towards myself and others. With the confidence that follows this form of personal development, I can attract better relationships with high self-esteem people that value my presence in their life. When I meet people that violate this boundary of respect, I simply pull back. Practice SELF-CARE to live on your terms with fulfillment following your purpose and enhance your life, without pills.